


Unchanging Things

by Xayah90



Series: My Letter to you [2]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Celtic Mythology & Folklore, Character Death, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Slice of Life, Violence, doubts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xayah90/pseuds/Xayah90
Summary: Part 1 in the Order of "My Letter to you".
Relationships: Rakan/Xayah (League of Legends)
Series: My Letter to you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717777
Kudos: 6





	Unchanging Things

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there,
> 
> this isn't dead, I' m just slowly af as I focus more on the other two Storys (and actually playing more solo duo again, the season won' t last forever).
> 
> This time I wanted to 'explain' something first, as there are some things that won't be understandable for everyone.
> 
> As in my other writings there are strong references and expressions from the celtic culture in this series, so some names will be mentioned which refer to celtic gods, along with the explanations of what the gods are for. 
> 
> Since the individual gods have different purposes depending on the heritage and country of the people who believe in them, they naturally have very different purposes. This is primarily the case with one of the gods mentioned - Epona - which in many places stands for fertility, but in others she is also said to be a protector for travellers, caring for their 'children' and protecting them from possible harm and misery.
> 
> Have fun!
> 
> Best wishes

Emptiness. Nothing but emptiness surrounds us, despite the cosy rustling of the campfire I don't feel its warmth, on the contrary, I' m cold, literally freezing. A dull feeling of pure numbness spreads within me, my eyes burn, not a single tear appears. Filled with unease, I feel the eyes of the others on my back, listening to their unspoken questions. 

_How couldn't I have realized that it was an ambush?_  
_The signs had been so clear..._

I swallow, looking up at the sky. I hear footsteps behind me, a soft humming in the dark night comes up, the fine hairs on my neck straighten up and I turn around in fear. It' s just Rakan and Blaan who have come close to me, touching the soft grass. I sighed in relief, turning back towards the fire, losing myself in the dancing flames.

"It wasn't your fault." 

Blaan's soft voice carries through to me, Ignoring it and staring further into the fire. I know he's right. I know it's no one's fault, but I still feel guilty. After all I' m the leader of our cause, why couldn't I protect her? Why couldn't I make him listen to me? Or at least kill him sooner?

But wasn't that the problem? Didn't Mayra die just because I killed him? I swallow, my hands are trembling. I bury them in the skirt of my dress, tense up, but the trembling doesn't stop. 

It feels like the sky is falling down on me, dark eternity dragging me into the depths of the night with cold hands. How much I would love to be in the arms of Rakan at this moment, letting my feelings run free. I call his name, but no sound comes from my lips. Although I try to reach out for him, I remain sitting in the same rigid position, unable to move a little bit. In my mind's eye I see us holding each other before an unyielding strength forces our hands apart. 

The lady of shattered hopes and forever broken dreams, yes that's exactly who I am. I have led so many of our people into the abyss, so many have died for my cause, for a silly dream, wishful thinking, for a childish hope. I swallow again, my throat is dry and rough. When was the last time I drank anything?

When I close my eyes, I see her in front of me, I can still see how it happened. How Mayra got... got... captured by that disgusting scumbag, pressing his blade to her neck. We tried to negotiate, trying to reason with him, make him understand we have no intention of harming him or his family. But he didn't listen. 

It didn't take long for any of us to realize that we had to react, quickly. Before he could harm Mayra, I did it, within seconds I conjured up a Feather Dagger and the very next second she was getting close to the man's throat. We were so relieved... until his muscles tightened in death agony and the blade was driven through Mayra's neck.

Jamie's eyes widened.  
Anice, who fell into Shona's arms, sobbing loudly.   
Blaan, who averted the gaze.  
Rakan, shocked staring at our friend's writhing body, shoulders dropping.  
Greer, biting her lips bloody and looking down at the ground.

Mayra's wide, frightened eyes staring at me. Blaming me.

I couldn't take my eyes off her, my legs gave in and I sank to the ground, my eyes fixed on hers, while the lifeblood spilled from the gaping wound. 

If she had been one of us, a Vastaya... ...maybe it wouldn't have been so bad, at least she'd have had a chance. We could have tried to close the wound, stop the bleeding. I don't know how successful it would have been, never before one of us had such a serious injury - and I'm not eager to experience it in the near future - but Mayra was a human, a young human girl who joined our cause. 

I want to scream, to express my anger, my frustration, my despair, but I can't, my body doesn't obey me, my shoulders drop, in my head this moment happens again and again. 

_What have I done?_  
_Why wasn't I able to protect her?_

Abruptly, almost mechanically, I direct my gaze up to the sky, wandering with my eyes from one star to another, searching for a sign of Noraia. When I was a child, my father told me the stories of the old gods, of Epona, who accompanied the travellers and cared for their well-being, of Nantosuelta, the goddess of forests and fertility, of Noraia, the goddess of earth and the mother of all things, and so many others who would never abandon us if we only believed in them. 

_'Do you see the blood spilled on the battlefields?_  
_Do you see what we fight for?_  
_Were you there? Were you watching?_  
_Or have you forgotten us?_  
_Us, your faithful children fighting for their freedom?_  
_Or have you... ...have you forsaken us?'_

My eyes darken, either father has lied to me and these so-called gods simply dont exist, or they are selfish beings who have simply forgotten their children on this planet. Either way, in the end, it doesn't change the outcome, nothing at all. 

We are going down, all of us. There isn't any hope, I imagined it in the last years, blinded by the small successes we could achieve. It' s just a matter of time until we Vastaya will disappear from the sight of this world, almost immortal and yet we will be erased. What are we still fighting for? 

We will go down together with our people, nobody will mourn us, sing songs for us or even bury one of us. Who should do this? The humans? Pfff! 

At that thought my body is shivering, an unpleasant goosebump spreads over my body. As if the humans were mourning us, those disgusting creatures doesn't even have respect for their own kind, why should they grieve our passing away then? 

We might as well just give up now, around this campfire. Stomp the rebellion into the ground once and for all, spend the short time we might have left as peacefully as possible and wait for the Death to come, welcome him like an old friend if he visits us some day.

'You shouldn't even think like that, that thought is weak. We will not give up, we will fight to the last and go down together with our people with swelled chests, giving up ourselves for our cause'.

A hand rests on my shoulder, tenderly and lovingly, I turn around in panic, almost slipping off my chair. Rakan. He smiles at me lightly, his hand still on my shoulder, lightly squeezing, hoping to cheer me up. I smile timidly. We haven't been dating for very long, this is all so new to me and in the current situation I feel somehow overwhelmed. 

It's not like we haven't been on the road for a long time, on the opposite, we have been on this trip for a very long time and I honestly can't imagine a life without him anymore, but this whole dating thing is so strange, it took me a long time to accept that I have someone by my side, who accompanies me on my way, that I can rely on, that I don't have to stay awake with one eye open at night to ensure my own safety - even if I still do it often enough, old habits are very hard to break - but knowing that you have someone you can really rely on. .. 

...that's new. And an indescribably good feeling.

His hand is resting comfortingly against my cheek, with one finger he is tracing my Clantattoo, his eyes seem so unbelievable sad that little smiles twitch on his lips. He knew Mayra longer than the rest of us, he got to know her many years ago when he performed in her village while he was passing through. 

Her family had always been for the freedom of the Vastaya, started supporting our cause quite quickly. Almost all of us had a special relationship with her, although she was only a human girl. For us she was more, she was a part of our family, nobody said a word about her not being a Vastaya, for all of us she belonged to our people.

This loss is all the more painful. 

"Think of something else, don't let your emotions take you down." I sigh softly, looking Rakan straight in the eyes. He smiles again, still more a tortured expression than a positive one. "Miella..." he starts, then stops, looks at the fire for a moment. What's wrong? Why is he so hesitant? 

_He's going to walk away from me, I'm sure of it. I am responsible for Mayra's death, it's all my fault._  
_He knows it as well as I do, and now he's leaving._  
_I knew it from the beginning, I've always known it._  
_That one day he'd just leave._

_Why didn't I trust my head?_  
_This is what I get from it..._

Tenderly he strokes the back of my hand with the thumb of his hand, smiles lovingly at me. I was wrong, wasn't I? Doesn't he want to abandon me?

His eyes are fixed on mine, his stunning blue eyes. Without noticing, I hold my breath, can't take my eyes off those wonderful blue jewels, once again his eyes have captivated me.

"Miella...", he starts again, with both hands he embraces my hand, leads it to his lips and kisses my knuckles lovingly, makes me blush with a light smile and strokes my knuckles with his thumb. 

"What would you do if I died?" His voice is soft, little more than a whisper, gentle, almost tender, yet firm. For a split second I look further into his eyes.

"I would burn this world to the ground, build a castle from the ashes and live there alone forever." The words shoot out of me before I even get a chance to think about them and although a slight blush spreads across my cheeks, I'm glad I didn't hesitate. Because it' s the truth. 

"Oh. That'... Sweet." He smiles slightly, even though the undertone in his voice sounds kind of weird. Was he hoping I'd go on without him? Was he hoping to hear that I wouldn't mind? Or did my answer go too far?

I'd love to know what he would do in this situation... ...but I don't have the courage. So we' II fall silent again, but not for too long.   
After a rather short time, Rakan and Blaan start a slow, tactful song. A song I haven't heard for a long, long time, but I recognize it immediately. It' s a kind of musical farewell, a last tribute, the highest recognition a person can expect from a Vastaya. 

With trembling voice I join in their singing, paying my last tribute to our friend. As the song draws to a close, I feel a hand at my waist, shortly afterwards Rakan draws me closer to him, I look up in surprise, into his face. 

Surprised, I notice tears running down his cheek. 'My fault', it shoots through my head and I lower my head in shame. After the last words are sung and silence returns to the night, I look up at the sky. My hand closes into a fist and rests on my chest. 

"Taitah be tervash", I whisper softly to the stars, the others repeat my words just as softly and almost awefully. May your soul finds eternal bliss and some day we will meet again in the other world.

For a short moment I freeze, I look up to the sky and wonder. Will there be a reunion in the other world one day? Is it even possible for humans to cross over after their death? I swallow, suppressing the thought. 

'Yes, she will wait for us in the other world, I am sure of it. After all, she has a good heart, why shouldn't she be able to cross over?' With this, I silence the quiet, doubting voice in my head. Gently leaning against Rakan's shoulder, closing my eyes. 

Thank God this day is finally over.


End file.
